R.I.P., George

I was 13 years old and hanging out at my friend Matt’s house one night when this comedy special came on HBO. It was some old guy with white hair and a ponytail dressed all in black, but the audience seemed to like him, so I gave him a shot. Five minutes in, I’d laughed so hard I couldn’t see the screen anymore. All I could make out was this guy’s rough, raspy, angry yet child-like voice, saying things that I knew I shouldn’t be hearing, which just made them all the more funny.

When I made my brief, ill-advised foray into stand-up comedy (I believe the stench from most of my “act” can still be seen hanging like a dark green cloud over New Brunswick), I tried desperately to be like him. It was literally the only thing I had in common with every other comedian on the planet. We all want to be like him.

Well, not now, of course. The goddamn guy is dead.

Keep killing ‘em, George.

Wake Up And Smell The Recession

By

Gregg Podolski

What is a recession? Most economists define the term as, “The steady contraction of the national economy over a time span of no less than six months.” By contrast, most Presidents in office during a recession define the term as, “We are not in a recession.”

The fact is, most people don’t care what you call it when the economy spirals downward faster than Lindsey Lohan at Hedonism–all they care about is being able to pay their bills without resorting to drastic measures, such as selling health insurance.